OMG .

2009-12-10T03:52:00.000-08:00

I WILL BE THIN AND I SHALL CUT MY HAIR INTO A BOB .
NAFFING HELL .

2009-12-10T03:44:00.000-08:00

I AM READY TO TRASH THIS SHIT AND DO SOMETHING FUCKING STUPID .
Stupid boy , do you know how much I love you ?
I guess not huh .
I was so scared and so blind , I was ready to sacrifice our friendship for a chance to bring it to the next level .
So I did the stupidest thing ever and told you how much I liked you , which was something I haven't told ANY guy in a very long while .
And I was prepared for the rejection , but when that message came in , I still cried .
Cause why , DIDI'S STUPID .
And you had to fall for her.
MY FRIEND .
I mean dude , you have my sincere well wishes and all , but c'mon , did you ever spare a thought for my feelings just being so BLUNT ?
And I kept getting caught in the middle of you guys .
One's my friend and the other's the guy I like , what was I supposed to do ?
Dealing with both your fucking shits when I couldn't even sort myself out .
God knows how much I cried every thime I had to deal with you both .
So many wasted tears for NOTHING .
And the best thing is , you're so apathetic when smsing me .

Last message : ok ar im buying (7Dec ,4.20pm)

Like thanks , dude .
I'm here everytime you need me to communicate with her .
Sure , no problem AT ALL .

2009-12-04T05:33:00.000-08:00

Okay hello !
UPDATE !
So me , laura , amir and qayyum are going to prom !
Kay done bb.

2009-11-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I AM REFERRING TO KHAIRIL ASYRAF WHEN I SAY "KHAIRIL"?!!
Pfffffffffffft .
Shallow freaks .
Unfortumately though , MY KHAIRIL , is NOT KHAIRIL ASYRAF .
It's Khairil Hafeez .
Okay , got that irritation out of the wayyyyyy .
TMRW IS CLASS CHALET !
Too bad I have to go hme early wednesday to go watch PLANET 51 .
Kay, I gtg .
(:
Bb .

2009-11-24T01:36:00.000-08:00

Another update as requested by Danni.
WE ARE GOING TO THE BEACH TRMW!
And I can't wait and I'm now agonizing on what to wear.
Blablabla.
Kay, I have to go so I'm just gonna leave you with a photo.
HAHAHA.
[Danni, it's up! ♥]

2009-11-24T01:01:00.000-08:00

Random Postsecrets I've Found (#11).
Italicize the ones you can relate to.

I am ruined without her.
We are both being pulled different directions... I will hold on as long as you take my hand.
You make my soul smile.
I never even liked baseball. I just liked you.
I feed the bears.
I'm ashamed of what my facebook quiz results reveal about me.
I only told you I loved you because I thought it was opposite day.
My bulimia has made me better at giving blowjobs.
Life is good, everyone just overreacts, even me.
When my friends leave stuff at my house, I sell them.
I am never going to forgive you.
I think that I could write comedy.
I cheated, and now I'll never be the same.
Oh fuck, I love you.
I love when my frisbee slams into strangers. < hahahahahahaha :D
You say catastrophe, I say, fuck yes.
I've never liked hockey, but I would love to see what happens in the locker room after the game.
And you're all I want.
I feel more like me when you are here than when I'm alone.
It is not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
For once in my life, I'm not going to hold back; no matter what.
Start a revolution, stop hating your body.
I fantasize about rejecting the apologies that I know will never come.
I like shopping at Wal-Mart, please don't tell my cool friends.
I absolutely love it when you drunk dial.
When I'm in a crowded elevator, I envision the porn scene that could ensue.
I wish society didn't treat me like a monster just because I'm gay.
The love that came before you, the love that lives on after you, the love you never had.
Once I learn to love myself, I promise I'll love you next.
I always count how many seconds I pee.
I haven't eaten since Sunday.
You need not find a cure for everything that makes you weak.
I was beautiful too.
You're not going to call me, are you? Damn.
I have learned a lot about life from you in the past 2 years. Thanks.
I was taught how to masturbate at a Girl Scout camp.
I find squeezing a full tube of toothpaste strangely erotic.
Dear Mom, Thanks a bunch for the great ass!
Your lies helped me find truth in myself.
I think about plots for erotica novels while sitting in the pews at church.
Whenever I use the bathroom, I always picture famous people & people I know taking a crap.
I had a sex dream about diamonds in my vagina.
It doesn't matter your age, sex, religion, or race, I will stare at your ass.
I kissed a boy today, who didn't wish I was someone else.
I get pissed at people who leave times on the microwave.
I don't hate you because you cheated, I hate you because you told her my secret.
I just went on vacation. and I only wanted to send a postcard to Postsecret.
I would take swinging on the swings over money, sex, and/or power, any day. [TOTALLY!]
I wish my parents would find my drafts of my suicide notes under the carpet by my air vent.
When I say I don't care, I'm not trying to convince you, I'm trying to convince myself.

2009-11-22T00:53:00.000-08:00

Update on Danni's request! :D

Planning the prom proposal is crazyy!

And I'm certain I lost weight.

LOL.

Cause after a binge yesterday, I woke up to a " early morning flat tumtum".

And the thighs are slightly apart!

I'm serious, LOL.

On second thought, I think the food from the binge has gone to the top of my thighs.

ARGH.

So I desperately need a dress.

AND I NEED TO GET THINNER.
Okaii, I get it, it's pink.
So spare me, it's my favourite colour agagain.
Mummy says she's going shopping with me for a dress (YAY!).
I can't seem to find prom thinspo. ):
I need motivation.
Seriously hope to reach my december gw of 37kg.
Okay, shall go look for more thinspo to keep me motivated.
And I shall leave you with this morning's flat tumtum pic.
Ohbtw, I cheated. :X
I held my breath.
Ahhahaha.
But still.. (:

2009-11-18T04:16:00.000-08:00

I guess today is kinda one of the okay day I'm having.
I just had a stunning revelation today, at 7.10PM.
UGH.
Okay, let's get the intake out of the way so I can rant.
1/2 plate rice plus sotong hitam
1 funsize packet m&m
1 plate flour thingys
That's all. [;

Okay, now for the rants.
LOL.
No1. WHY THE HELL AM I INTO PINK AGAIN?!
ARGHHHHHHHHHH, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
No2. ALL the stupid unmentionables.
No3. I hate my tumtum!
It's stupid.

And it's flatter today!
But still EWW.
EWW.
And bb. [;

2009-11-16T23:58:00.000-08:00

Promise me you won't forget me when you go,

cause I won't and I can't.

I'll be waiting here when you come back,

still that little girl from your memory.

And I'm sorry I can't tell you all these things tonight,

but someday you'll know that you were my world,

the only one I loved and that I wrote this for you.

- Di , I Wrote This For You

Haha, that's a song in progress for a special guy . ^
But it's kinda sad that I can't play it for him.
Well, he doesn't even know I'm alive, so why bother?
:D
And yeshhhhhhh, abang, I am taking it much better now.
So shut up about it laa.
Later the poor guy duduk kat rumah and sneezesneeze.
KESIAN TAW! XD

So if you guys haven't heard, I MAY be going to aussie with abg and fawy!
LOL since khairil tak reply then his problem.
Dah ajak and all butttttt..
Okay whatever ah.
Intake would be 3 mackerel otahs, 1/2 cup milo dinosaur and 1 packet char siew chicken rice.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Andd
SHUT UP LORELEI, I know I'm a stonking lardyass.
Off to look for reverse thinspo.
Anyway, proof of my lardyass-ness before I go.
And bb! [;

From FAT to DISGUSTING.

2009-11-16T01:51:00.000-08:00

Hunger headaches and shakes!
But I caved in and had a small packet of twistes and popo.
Unwanted calories UGH.
I still feel like I'm gnna die.
Will have dinner soon.

2009-11-16T00:58:00.000-08:00

I feel extremely tired and sleepy.
Today is a relatively good day, I guess.
I had a kiddie-sized bowl of quacker oats.
I'm listening to "Speechless" by Lady Gaga now.
And my mood has plummeted from bordering on okay to blaaaaaaaah.
Now I feel like not talking too.
I'm off to look for tattoo thinspo.
Bb. (:

2009-11-09T05:30:00.000-08:00

I'm super tired .
And my throat is killing me .
HA , an excuse not to eat tmrw .
I'm kinda stressed for MALAY !
And I'm wondering if I can lose my tummy fats by the 20th this month .
Because I wanna look all pweety for the class chalet !
HAHA .
I want to wear that dress of mine , dayyum .
And tummy fats ain't a good look with a sundress-ish dress .
Bleargh .
Anyway , I do hope Aliyah stays over so I'll have an excuse to stay over too .
I sure don't want to stay over with a bunch of pple I'm SO not close to .
And I'm pretty sure they don't like me .
So EWW PEOPLE , I don't like you too ! XP
LOL intake tdy :
eggmcmuffin + hashbrown + 1/2cupcoffee frm mac
[ I WAS supposed to get mushroom soup , then the stall wasn't open and they decided to go to mac and I wasted money on this fattening crap . ]
1cup soup frm pie kia
1cup craze hotties frm 711
1bowl maggi laksa
GOSH !
If I keep eating like that I WILL grow fat .
ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS .
ARGH .

2009-11-09T05:14:00.000-08:00

Survey !
Age: 16
Height: 4'7" [ 144.4cm ]
Weight: 85lbs [ 39kg ]

Dress Size: XS or S for adult size .
Highest Weight: 88lbs [ 40kg ]
Lowest Weight: 83lbs [ 38kg ]
Ultimate Goal Weight: 70lbs [ 32kg ]

Favorite Diet Food:
Soups . LOL . I knw it's not food .
Favorite Binge Food:
Mainly carbs && chocolate . D:
Favorite Exercise:
My little routine-ish stuff . :D
Favorite Thinspo?
Thin thighs && indie .
Where Do You Slip Up?
Home && around people .
When Did It Start?
September 2009
Does Anyone Know?
Some .
Do You Want Help?
Yeah , tell me how to get motivated and exercise !
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
Depends . Usually around 800-1000 .
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
FAT .
Are You In A Relationship?
No .
Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?
In between .
Are You Depressed?
Idk .
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
No comment .
Ever Been To A Psychologist?
No . But counsellor , yes .

I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[x] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[x] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[x] Under 100lbs
[ ] starving yourself
[x] participating in a fast

PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[x] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[x] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic

I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE -
[ ] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[ ] being weak
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE
[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[SOON !] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[x] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[x] I can't swallow pills. I have a very hard time, and only can if they're really small.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying
[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I'm at my thinnest
[ ] I'm at my biggest
[x] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[ ] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[ ] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[ ] I've taken diet pills
[] I've used laxatives
[x] I've purged
[x] I exercise
[x] I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[ ] I've fainted from exhaustion

I've done:
[ ] Weed
[x] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[ ] Diet pills
[ ] Pain killers
[ ] Anti-depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[ ] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine
[ ] Other
[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have a ED blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I condone pro-ana/mia sites
[x] I count calories
[x] I've had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[ ] I hate food
[x] I love food
[ ] I want to be this way
[x] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[x] Being thin is my top priority
[x] I don't want to get better
[ ] I am in treatment
[x] I'm doing this for me
[x] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove myself

2009-11-08T01:25:00.000-08:00

Yeah , I know I deleted my old blog posts .
Don't give me shit about it .
I'll update soon .